


Dancing Through A Meadow Of Bleeding Flowers

by soukokuforlife14



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Hanahaki Diseas fic, M/M, Wrote most of this while half asleep, not a particularly happy ending, some angst and flowers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-16 20:39:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15445401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soukokuforlife14/pseuds/soukokuforlife14
Summary: Hanahaki.A disease that plants flowers in the lungs and sends them cascading from one’s lips in a fall of blood and petals. A result of falling in love with someone you can't have.





	Dancing Through A Meadow Of Bleeding Flowers

**Author's Note:**

> This idea surfaced at the best (and by BEST I MEAN WORST) possible time. That time being literally any time I'm not working on my WIP. Now I'm really tired and need some sleep. I hope you guys enjoy this!

The first time he coughed up a petal he didn’t notice immediately. The petal had been a deep red that had blended well with the blood that had spattered across his palm. But he quickly became aware of it’s presence, soft, but weighed heavily in his palm as he realized he’d coughed up more than just blood. The question however was _why?_ Ciel had coughed up blood before, but never had flower petals fallen from his mouth with it.

The acceleration of his heartbeat immediately alerted Sebastian to something amiss who was there within the instant confusion turned to apprehension.

Looking up at the demonic presence in his study Ciel held out his hand, the petal stained with blood displayed starkly against the pale of his skin. Intrigue was the first thing to cross Sebastian’s features before recognition flashed in those eyes of his. The color of dried blood. An awful color really. A reflection of the life he’s previously taken. Previously _devoured_.

“Young master…” Sebastian began, plucking the petal from Ciel’s hand and examining it closely he continued, “seems to have fallen into an unrequited love.” He said this with amusement lacing his tone and settling in his eyes. Ciel immediately bristled at the statement yanking his hand free of the demon’s light grip.

Eyes narrowed in irritation he said, “This is no time to be joking around Sebastian. Would you just explain why the fuck that came out of me? Or just recognize your ignorance if you don’t actually know?” His tone carried the likeness of a whip slashing through the air. His deepening voice becoming more and more imposing with the passing days. By the time he reached his approaching seventeenth birthday his voice should be as deep as his father’s had once been. Smooth instead of scratchy as the transition settles itself.

Sebastian shrugged nonchalantly, placing the petal atop the papers Ciel had been filing through. The thing so deep a red the blood on it was nearly unrecognizable, “You can choose to not believe me but in many pieces of fiction the act of coughing up flowers usually implies a one-sided love so strong it can _kill_ if not returned or removed. Though I'm not quite certain about how it is removed.”

Ciel’s face twisted in a grimace shooting his gaze from the offending thing on his desk to glare harshly at the demon, “I don’t know what type of joke this is Sebastian but I-”

“Our contract states that I cannot lie to you. For what purpose would I have to tell you such a thing anyhow? Rather it is in my best interest that you understand this and don’t kill yourself with such silly of an emotion as love.” Sebastian cut him off condescendingly, and while Ciel was ready to reprimand the damned demon for interrupting him -and using such a tone to do it no less- he could see the reason to his words.

Grumbling nonsense curses he said, “Sebastian...you said this was a purely fictional disease. If that is the case how did I catch it?”

Sebastian smiled, the usual curl of his lips so fake, cold, “There are always exceptions to even the most obscure or unlikely things young master.” To that Ciel felt the flames of anger rage in his chest, directed at the demon in front of him, “Get out. If you’d prefer to make light of this fine. I can learn of this on my own. Get back to whatever the hell it is that you do.” He spat without a second glance at the damned beast that wore a vile smirk of his face. Turning on his heel leaving the room shutting the door behind him and with a curse of his own began to make his way to a library in town that could potentially carry books that could lend itself to their current situation.

To Sebastian there was something disappointing in the thought that his little master capable of surviving hell on earth could fall prey to something so simple as _love_. He would not discount how powerful such an emotion was, however his little master was smarter than that. Knew better than to let himself grow close enough to anyone for such an unruly emotion to manifest let alone trust someone enough. Which of course begs the question, who is it that spawned such an emotion in the young master?

  
* * * *

  
The next time it occurs he coughs up more than one. The petals range in size and exactly three are spat from his lips in an ugly fit of coughs that brought tears to his eyes. His throat feeling like sandpaper and to swallow was like a painful scrape of concrete against his flesh.

Looking at the things though he could still not discern the type of flower that was being violently hacked out of his body. He had not made any progress on his research and that was frustrating enough as it was. But to be dealing with such a constant pain in his chest, more intense then even that of his asthma attacks was plenty enough to put him in a particularly bad mood exacerbated by Sebastian’s silent judgement. Even worse though was his amusement.

More so than all of that however, he especially felt frustrated at himself. How the hell had he caught a fictional disease? A killer that choked the victim with flowers, thrown up out of unrequited love. A physical representation of an emotion so strong it was capable of destroying the person from within. If he hadn't the physical evidence sitting in his palms he’d remain completely ignorant to the apparent affection he felt for someone who seemingly did not return those feelings.

“Who the fuck is it?” Ciel muttered to himself, clenching the red petals in his fist almost angrily.

“I would quite like to know that myself,” Sebastian said balancing a silver platter on the tips of his fingers, a small cake sitting atop it as well a cup of tea. The aroma permeating the air with its deep scent, the steam rising from it in wisps that resemble fingers. And when the porcelain cup is placed before him the steam feels like the brush of fingertips across his cheeks. He almost sighed at the sensation of it. Almost released a contented sound when he realized he actually wished that were the touch of skin on his flesh rather than the touch of evaporating liquid.

The realization of this jarred Ciel, made a frown weigh down his lips and a crease settle between his brows. It wasn’t the first time such a thought had crossed his mind. But he hadn’t wished for such a thing in literal years and didn’t quite know where the desire came from. Moreover he did not imagine the touch of his mother or father the way he would when he was younger. In his pre-teens he’d felt a craving for the brush of parental affection. This time though he instead imagined it to be the touch of a lover. For it to be an intimate thing.

“Does that expression imply that you have an idea as to who the mystery person may be?” Sebastian asked placing the cake beside his cup, his voice coming off mocking to Ciel who glared sharply at him.

“Not at all demon. I just had a strange thought is all.” He responded coldly, cleaning his hand of blood and exactly three petals before lifting the cup and placing it against his mouth. Imagined the liquid to be a warm pair of lips instead. The image faded quickly and his eyes grew wide and he nearly choked on the Earl Grey he’d been served.

The reaction prompted a frown to make its way onto Sebastian’s face as he asked, “Was it not to your liking young master?” His perfectionist side showing through with the twitch of his brow.

Settling the cup back on the saucer Ciel shook his head, “No, it was just hot.” And with that said Ciel waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. Sending Sebastian on his way to do whatever it was he occupied his days with. Cleaning, cooking, dealing with the other idiots. Ciel didn’t care just didn’t want to spend another moment in the demon’s presence. Finding that he found the thing to be a particularly grating presence as of late rather than a comforting (or at the very least a bearable) one.

Ciel didn’t know why he suddenly felt so abrasive towards Sebastian just that the moment he’d learned of what coughing up flowers meant the demon could never quite catch him in a decent mood.

Wait….could that mean - ?

_Fuck!_

* * * *

With the realization came more frequent fits of coughs and more often than not whole flowers to erupt from his throat. With those whole flowers came the identification of what type of plant kept spilling from his lips in a flourish of blood and petals.

A camellia.  
  
Sebastian had said that the flower was common in parts of Asia and often used as a means to demonstrate immense affection for the one being given the flower. Color changes the meaning however. The red one earned its own meaning for its shape. The petals themselves few and fanning out like a flame thus earning the meaning _‘the flame of my heart’._ The color implies that the emotions Ciel feels are that of great passion and strong desire.

What a fucking joke.

With the realization that...ugh...Sebastian was apparently the person he had unwittingly fallen for came the fully fledged blossoms. Bursting from his lips in explosive red dripping blood. The feeling as they rose in his throat signaling he’d suffer a coughing and consequently puking of flowers session was always at random times. Prompting him to race from wherever he was, be that a meeting, his study, at dinner; to get to a washroom where he'd throw up heaps and piles of petals and flowers. Blood coloring each one and if he didn't know any better he'd think the buds were dyed with it. That they hadn't always been red. That while shoving their way out of him they acquired the crimson color and perhaps had once been white or pink.

It was disgusting and he was abhorred by his own emotions that had no right to exist. When exactly had he thought it wise to love a demon? The demon who was only there to eat him no less? The demon who only stayed for the sake of his meal? The demon who only made a contract with him when he found his soul to be satisfactory? The same demon who let people defile and tarnish him? Only found his soul to be of his standards once it was properly soiled?

Whatever the case, with the passing days Ciel could feel himself weakening. How the pain of it sapped his energy and left his limbs heavy. He slept more and Sebastian allowed him to sleep later because he simply could not get up any earlier.

Ciel refused to tell Sebastian who it was. At first claiming he'd no idea. That the identity of the person who had planted the seed of affection in his heart was still a mystery even to Ciel himself. Sebastian being the demon that he was clearly knew that Ciel was lying. However he didn't push the point only bowed with “Yes my lord,” everytime Ciel sent him away.

Whatever it was that had previously existed between them, a roughly mixed cocktail of trust, amusement (Sebastian), and irritation (on Ciel’s part), was greatly strained in the recent months. The disease working its way through him fast.

They recently discovered its name.

Hanahaki.

A disease that plants flowers in the lungs and sends them cascading from one’s lips in a fall of blood and petals. A result of falling in love with someone you can't have.

Of course Ciel had fallen in love with the only being genuinely incapable of feeling such an intense of an emotion such as love.

After many intermittent hours of searching for the cure and miraculously keeping the disease under wraps. The only people who knew being himself and Sebastian. Ciel learned that the literal only way to be rid of the flowers was to physically cut it out. Or have his feelings be returned. Which of course was not possible so the former was his only chance and Ciel would be damned if he didn't take it. The consequence however of doing that is losing every emotion associated with the person. Which if he were truly honest he didn't mind at all.

Over time the questions became more persistent before he finally said as he dropped off Ciel’s afternoon tea, “Are you still quite sure that the person of your unrequited affection is still a mystery to you?” He sounded as though something were boiling beneath the surface and depending on Ciel’s answer it would either cool or boil over. But Ciel didn't care one way or the other. If Sebastian had an outburst so be it. The slate haired boy was just too tired to deal with any of it.

“Why does it matter? If this person doesn't love me all I need to do is cut the damned emotions out correct?”

“Yes but-”

“Why is it so important to you? I've kept plenty of secrets from you why is this one particularly upsetting for you to not know?” He snapped standing from his bed on wobbly legs. It was early morning and Sebastian had woken him just a few minutes prior before springing the question on him. Evidently he seems to have ceased his attempts to ask while Ciel’s in a ‘good’ mood because as of late he has only harboured an especially sour one.

The cup of tea he'd had fell as he tossed himself out of bed and landed with a crash. The sound a mix of shattering porcelain and spilling liquid.

Sebastian frowned kneeling to clean the mess he said, “Fine. I will stop asking for their identity but I would appreciate if you stopped lying to me.”

Ciel considered this, considered that his stubbornness on the subject may just give away more than he means to, sighing he responded, “I know who they are. Which is exactly why I know that the only solution to my...condition is to remove it.”

“You are absolutely certain of this? A procedure is a very drastic thing that can leave extreme negative effects on your body.” Sebastian said standing from his squat with the shards of the tea cup sitting in his palm his attention however unwaveringly settled on Ciel who found that he liked having the demon’s complete and utter attention. With that thought came the annoyance, the irritation, and an even stronger desire to be _rid_ of it.

Settling his face into a more neutral expression Ciel said with a little too much bite, “Are you actually worried for my well being or is that just your hunger showing through?”

Sebastian with a polite smile simply said, whatever bits of composure he’d lost returned, “Well I can’t very well allow my charge to fall victim to disease. What kind of butler would I be if I could not do that much?”

Ciel rolled his eyes and said, “Find someone who can do this for me without making too much fuss. I’d like no one to know of this save you and I. Got it?” Sebastian nodded before he moved to rid his palm of the little shards still sitting on his upturned hand. “Yes my lord.”

Soon enough Ciel would feel absolutely nothing when the demon addressed him so formally. No longing. No irritation. No desire. No anger. Nothing at all. That was a comforting thing to know that after his procedure he’d see Sebastian as truly nothing more than a pawn. Like a chess piece. No different from a shield and blade in one. No different from a tool meant to be used.

His only tie to the demon the contract burned into his iris.

* * * *

The next time he has a fit he can't get to a bathroom. From the moment the bud rises in his throat he knows, _I’m fucking screwed…_

His entire body convulses as flower after flower falls from his lips in a violent retch. Petals and blood staining his dining table. His dinner all but forgotten in his haste to run away but is stopped short when his legs give out from beneath him. Mey-rin spares no time in racing to his aid. Repeatedly asking him, “Young master? Young master what's wrong? What? Are-what is this? Are you alright? Young master?”

Ciel could get no words between the flower buds that continued to erupt from his lips and therefore could not send her away. She called for Baldroy who’d been in the kitchen, his footsteps heavy on the floor. The sound however of her shouts mingling with his thudding footsteps were quiet in comparison to the race of his heartbeat. The thud of his pulse. He felt cold but his skin was hot and he was still barfing up flowers and blood.

By the time Sebastian had gotten to him his fits had stopped and exhaustion weighed heavy in his bones. The butler with concern in his eyes scooped the earl from the ground as if he weighed no less than a puppy and into his arms with ease.

Quickly he barked orders to Mey-rin who hesitated, opened her lips to say something before shutting her mouth and racing to grab a bucket of soapy water and cloth. If that maid was good for anything other than her sight and ease with a gun it would be her skills at cleaning up blood.

Next he turned to Baldroy who did not take the order he was given with the same type of urgency May-rin had. He wore a pinched expression, crossing his arms he asked, “What’s wrong with the young master?”

Sebastian on his way to exit the dining room paused but without looking back, a shake of the earl’s head the only order he needed before saying, “That is of no concern to you. He will be fine in due time. Watch over the mansion in our absence. We will be departing for London in an hour. I want this room to be spotless. No evidence of what previously transpired moments ago. Am I clear?” Finishing he shot Baldroy a sharp look, his tone closed to any objection and after a prolonged time having a staring contest Baldroy sighed.

“Alright.” With that Sebastian continued on his way not bothering to look back as Mey-rin rushed back in a splash of water hitting the floor as she clumsily set down the bucket indicating she intended to clear away all the flowers and blood and her silence was her agreement to not ask questions. He could sense the gratefulness Ciel felt at that.

Their departure was almost immediate, dressing Ciel warmly in attire that would not indicate his social status, leaving the four servants (and Tanaka) with strict orders to stay put until their return.

Snake had offered no objection but his concern was tangible, Finny with tears in his eyes repeatedly asked, “What's wrong with the young master?” Earning little else than a shake of the head. Sadness grew to frustration but Sebastian paid this no heed. He had no time to deal with petulant children throwing tantrums and with another snapped order Ciel and he left.  
  
* * * *

Mey-rin fussed herself with the bed linens, scrubbing at the remnants of old blood that resiliently clung to the fibers. Her fingertips were rubbed raw to point of bleeding themselves before she finally tossed the item aside in a fit of frustration.

Neither Ciel nor Sebastian had made any contact with them since departing the day prior. She’d spent the previous night scrubbing away every last drop of blood and each individual petal. After having been taken away to his bedroom the earl suffered another fit and blood pooled on his bed sheets mingling with red flower petals.

She had tried not to think about that though. The image of the earl still so young in his years keeled over with the red pouring from his lips. His entire body trembling. Her helplessness and utter uselessness as he vomited. Now her mind raced with rapid thoughts of a millions scenarios where neither would return to them or only Sebastian being trailed by a casket. Mey-rin could fall apart at just the mere thought that her grumpy earl would pass and she would never know what exactly it was that had taken him away.

She looked down at her hands, wet and now bloody from all the cracks in her dry skin. With her hands she was supposed to protect the person who’d given her a home and a purpose other than killing. What had she done to repay him but break his plates and not realize his sickness? What was she doing pretending she deserved the life the young master had granted her?

“Mey-rin. Have you finished- hey what happened to your hands?” Baldroy’s voice cut through her daze and jolting her out of her head. Quickly she moved to the grab the sheet, wincing only slightly at the pain of chemicals of the cleaning products entering the breaks in her skin. Stuttering a, “I’m almost done! Yes this blood is quite strong against these cleaning products but I’ll make this white again yes!”

“But your bleeding more onto it!” Baldroy said kneeling the rip the sheet from her fingers that curled tightly into the fabric yanking back with enough force to nearly knock the man over. “I have to clean this before they return yes! Or Sebastian will very angry with me oh yes he will! I must-”

“Mey-rin! Stop! Let go!” Baldroy shouted, freezing Mey-rin in her attempts at pulling the sheet free of the man’s grasp. “Just give yourself a break, you’ve been cleaning since they left. I think you should rest. Or at the very least patch up your hands.”

Mey-rin didn’t release the cloth but she did not continue to try and free it of Baldroy’s grasp either.

“But-what if-what if they return and I have not properly finished my duties? Sebastian will be very upset yes he will…” She trailed off exhaustion finally catching up to her. She was very tired yes she was. But she must finish lest she wish to disappoint the young master! “Yes I will finish and then go rest!” She said her resolve renewed. If she could just cleanse the sheet of the blood stain she’d be satisfied. Just that and she’d go rest.

“Just take a break. They won’t be back for a while and the last thing Sebastian or the young master surely want is for the maid to work herself to death.” Baldroy said tossing the linen aside with nonchalance.

“I can’t...not yet..I don’t want to rest yet.” Mey-rin said looking down, wringing the fabric in her hands, a nervous gesture meant to calm her. Release the tension built on her shoulders.

Baldroy sighed forcing her to glance back up at his stubbled face, “Stop worrying. Sebastian won’t let anything happen to young master. He’ll be fine.”

“I hope you’re right..yes I do…”

* * * *

A month passed before the earl returned to his mansion. No flower buds threatening to escape his lips. No blood rising in his throat. No love for a being that could never love him back.

Ciel was home and more importantly himself again. His perpetual sour mood had sweetened considerably in the time between leaving and returning. While Sebastian had seemingly suffered a minor case of whiplash at the sudden change he didn't voice his dubiousness at Ciel's almost immediate recovery. Simply thanked the man who’d done the procedure. Paid the proper fee and left.

Their return was a wet, teary eyed, snot nosed mess and while Ciel was rightfully disgusted by it he also seemed amused by it.

That afternoon upon his return the servants were quick to bombard him with a million questions as where he’d gone and if he was truly alright. Ciel had not answered their questions with anything more than a “I was ill and after my departure to a special doctor I have been healed. I’m fine now and have no more of those coughing fits.”

None of them seemed quite satisfied with the answer but with a pointed look from a sharpened blue eye after so long being dull and cloudy, something they’d all collectively noticed but never questioned, they nodded. Ciel dismissing them to handle their duties saying he was tired from the journey and needed to rest. Though as he’d said this his attention was only on Sebastian something a light irritation at his own statement bubbling in his voice. The butler paid this no heed however escorting him to his bedroom where Ciel proceeded to undress himself telling Sebastian he’d prefer to do so without assistance. Sending the butler away with an order for towels saying he’d be bathing himself. To which the demon had tensed, brow pinching subtly as the order fell over him. Confusing the butler who opened his lips to question the earl stopping short at the small smile on the young boy’s lips. His single blue eye glinting with something un-discernable to Sebastian. With a bow the demon turned and swept out of the room leaving the earl to himself.

When the demon returned Ciel was in his adjoined bathroom door ajar, “Your towels young lord.” Sebastian said opening the door further to find the earl fumbling with his clothes as he tried to remove them. Even at his age of sixteen the earl still struggled with such simple things. “Thank you Sebastian you may survey the mansion and make sure everything is still in order. I will have my bath alone.”

Sebastian frowned slightly, “Are you-”

“Quite. I’m quite sure Sebastian you may go now.”

Sebastain took the dismissal for what it was with a sweeping bow and somewhat strained, “Yes my lord.” Turning on his heel he left the bathroom with plans to send the maid up to assist the young earl who’d surely need it. Though he couldn’t quite comprehend why the boy didn’t want his assistance he wouldn’t insist and put the child in another bad mood.

* * * *

It was late afternoon of the day that marked exactly three months since the incident and their travels to foreign land for a doctor who specialized in that particular field of work, that Ciel brought the subject up. Cup of tea placed in front of him boredom having stalled him in his work. The boy deciding he’d rather eat something sweet than continue looking over paperwork. However Sebastian had refused to give him anything that could spoil his appetite the compromise being a cup of tea and a fresh bowl of mixed berries sprinkled with confectioners sugar.

“Would you still like to know who it was?” The earl asked eyes trained out the windows behind his desk, chair half turned to face them; his tone was casual, conversational and Sebastian could not figure out his reasoning for asking such a thing. “I’m not quite sure as to whom you are are referring.” He said placing the bowl on the desk after setting aside the paperwork half completed.

The young master snorted, an amused sound, “Of course you know exactly whom I’m referring to. But I’ll allow you to play dumb just this once.” He said turning away from the window facing Sebastian with a strangely unfamiliar expression. He didn’t seem quite..right. However he very clearly was the young master Sebastian could easily tell as much and there was no other presence to suggest something of the paranormal but...he seemed off. He neither frowning nor smiling, he wore a completely neutral expression but for the inquisitiveness in his blue iris. He continued, “Do you wish to know the identity of the person that nearly killed me with emotion alone?”

Sebastian didn’t respond so the young master answered anyway, “Of course you do. You have even more since the procedure.” With a fraction of a laugh leaving his lips he said, “It was you.”

This was honestly not as surprising as it possibly should have been however the nonchalance with which he spoke suggested that truly was no longer the case if the physical proof were not there Sebastian would’ve believed the earl with just this declaration of having _had_ loved him. But then what exactly was it that seemed so out of character? Why was it that he appeared to be anyone but himself?

His silence prompted the young master to speak again this time a question though he didn’t sound accusing, just curious, “You already knew that though didn’t you?”

Sebastian replied this time, “I had my suspicions but they were not concrete.”

The young master hummed, “I see. Well now neither of us have to be burdened with such trivialities. I am free of such feelings and to a certain extent so are you.”

“Yes.” Sebastian responded,a cavernous feeling inside him that couldn’t be attributed to hunger the butler went to say something else but the earl cut him off, “That will be all Sebastian.”

The dismissal forced Sebastian’s lips together in a tight, polite smile as he bowed and left. The only thought in his mind as he walked down the hall being this, _Ah...so that's what it was...even now he’s still such a terrible liar…_  

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you got this far I hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> Comments and Kudos are highly appreciated.


End file.
